It was a dark and stormy night. Nah, it was a weekend garage sale - where you find yourself haggling over a $1 difference for some trivial piece of crap. (And feel victorious if you get your way.) Saturday is 88 degrees and we are sitting in plastic stacking chairs, slowly sweating our lives out.
Enter the magical Phillip.
Beers appear; laughter appears; a whisky & coke fer mommy. The hot neighbor, wearing a black t-shirt so tight we can see HIS nipples comes over and, though refusing our beer, drinks his coffee (refusing our offer of Bailey's for it) and shows no sign of wanting to leave. (His wife has just taken off for the weekend.)
Phillip is "supposed" to leave at noonish. This does not happen - he gives up looking at his watch by mid afternoon.
Phillip and mommy start explaining to sober people who show up the long histories of the p.o.s. (piece of shit, dear reader) they might be glancing at. In great detail. And completely made up.
And then they start telling people how these items will improve their lives; that they "need" them. They also start offering people beer.
Phillip and mommy are banned from talking to the customers.
The beering continues. Mommy gets a "freshen up" whisky & coke; we make our way through Oberon; Sleeman; Moosehead; and into Canadian. Hotness neighbor wanders back home but comes back for another extended stay. He brings gin & tonic over for all. I ponder keeping him at our sale as a prop - most customers are female & my neighborhood is also chock full o' gay men. Can't go wrong!
But eventually his neighborly hotness must go home as he has company coming over. He's served his purpose anyway: prop; purchaser (he bought $20 of stuff -including an exBF's Xmas gift - SWEET!); and visual entertainment.
Phillip picks up on the exBF theme - "just how many items here are from exes?" he asks. My survey of the table reveals three exBFs are represented. Including one I broke up with over 20 years ago!
And this is how the afternoon plays out. If we aren't making fun of the people buying my crap we are making fun of each other. So much so that while the sale ended at 4; we are still sitting around after 5.
We end the afternoon on a high - the last customer who wanders into our mirth with his too small camo cap can't tell us what he did in the Army before he retired (can they ever?) but as we get through military secret discussions into bizarreness, voluntarily displays the CCW pistol on his hip. A sober me might have wondered if he meant to rob us. Ah, but a drunk me is a thing of innocence and unicorns. So instead, I ask him the caliber and where/how often he goes for target practice.
And all ends well.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Humanity Test - We Passed!
For some/no reason, people are feeling gracious today. I have a broken gas tank cover - the plastic panel that closes over the actual gas cap. Three people nicely pointed out it was open - one car behind me honked & honked. Then the female driver told me - I said thank you! (I didn't tell her the part isn't made now and the dealership wanted over $450 to fix it - how much does one explain when the light is about to turn green?) The passenger in that vehicle actually got out and came up & shut the cover for me.
:) People are cool today!
:) People are cool today!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Say Grace
Get a beer, this one is deep.
I sometimes get caught up in me. That is, the very simple, uncomplicated aspects of my life expand in relevance to me until they appear to be far more complicated and consuming than they are.
And then, often, I am humbled. I call these moments of grace. Take whatever definition of it you want, though I favor non-religious ones: Definitions of Grace
In essence, my moments of grace are revelations by others that have a way of making my looming, sometimes overshadowing, issues shrink - sometimes even whither, like vampires exposed to light.
This week, I received an email from a young lawyer, Brian, who I supervised at my former job. When he worked on my team, he came to me to explain his girlfriend had some developing medical issues, would be having a battery of tests, and he asked for time off in the upcoming months. He said he couldn't quit - he needed the job (aka, the money). I told him that I would grant everything I could given the size of the team and the nature of the project.
When it turned out his girlfriend was diagnosed with MS, I shared that my sister had had MS for about 20 years and offered her as a connection. He said they appreciated that and would call on me/my sister as needed.
It has been almost six months since I left my former company. I did not stay in touch with Brian. So, when I got his email this week, it stopped my spin for a bit. As I read his update, I was humbled - this time by the brave attack this young couple was making against MS when getting jobs, careers, figuring out a relationship path, and just making plans for fun would already consume most people.
A moment of grace.
Then, in case my worries dared to creep back; I got news yesterday that a friend of mine was diagnosed with a large malignant tumor. He is young, married, and full of life. And faces such a horrifying challenge that I cannot even take my new job and its required move in the same too-serious way I felt for the last month. Who really cares about stuff you accumulated or jobs when someone battles for their life? (If he reads my blog, my positive thoughts are with you.) As for the rest of us . . .
A moment of grace.
I sometimes get caught up in me. That is, the very simple, uncomplicated aspects of my life expand in relevance to me until they appear to be far more complicated and consuming than they are.
And then, often, I am humbled. I call these moments of grace. Take whatever definition of it you want, though I favor non-religious ones: Definitions of Grace
In essence, my moments of grace are revelations by others that have a way of making my looming, sometimes overshadowing, issues shrink - sometimes even whither, like vampires exposed to light.
This week, I received an email from a young lawyer, Brian, who I supervised at my former job. When he worked on my team, he came to me to explain his girlfriend had some developing medical issues, would be having a battery of tests, and he asked for time off in the upcoming months. He said he couldn't quit - he needed the job (aka, the money). I told him that I would grant everything I could given the size of the team and the nature of the project.
When it turned out his girlfriend was diagnosed with MS, I shared that my sister had had MS for about 20 years and offered her as a connection. He said they appreciated that and would call on me/my sister as needed.
It has been almost six months since I left my former company. I did not stay in touch with Brian. So, when I got his email this week, it stopped my spin for a bit. As I read his update, I was humbled - this time by the brave attack this young couple was making against MS when getting jobs, careers, figuring out a relationship path, and just making plans for fun would already consume most people.
A moment of grace.
Then, in case my worries dared to creep back; I got news yesterday that a friend of mine was diagnosed with a large malignant tumor. He is young, married, and full of life. And faces such a horrifying challenge that I cannot even take my new job and its required move in the same too-serious way I felt for the last month. Who really cares about stuff you accumulated or jobs when someone battles for their life? (If he reads my blog, my positive thoughts are with you.) As for the rest of us . . .
A moment of grace.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Enough
How does one know when enough is enough? One has to have had too much, and too little (to compare), too many times. Contemplate that one.
Oh, and feed the fish - just click in the square.
Oh, and feed the fish - just click in the square.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Some Things are Too Funny Not to Repost
From the "stranger than fiction" file (with my highlighting).
Cops: Troy man fires gun after finding another man in bed with wife
Cops: Troy man fires gun after finding another man in bed with wife
5:44 PM, Jun. 9, 2011
A Troy man is accused of firing a gunshot at a man he found in bed with his wife early Wednesday, after the woman met the stranger on a late-night bike ride, police said.
Troy police say the 30-year-old mother of five children, ages 1-14, went for a bike ride at 4 a.m. Wednesday. She met a 30-year-old man walking down the street and invited the man back to her house for sex, reports said.
The man agreed, and they fell asleep afterward, police said. The husband returned at 5 a.m. and discovered the stranger in his bed, according to reports.
A confrontation ensued, and the husband retrieved his .45-caliber handgun, reports said. The stranger ran from the home in his underwear, leaving his cell phone, wallet and identification behind.
The husband chased him as he ran, firing one shot in the process, police said. The bullet struck the kitchen wall and ended up in a cupboard.
The other man escaped, but police later located and questioned him, reports said. The investigation is continuing.
Ed. Note: I have a feeling this was "pay back time." I think the wife didn't like hubby's late night antics so decided to turn the tables on him.
The man agreed, and they fell asleep afterward, police said. The husband returned at 5 a.m. and discovered the stranger in his bed, according to reports.
A confrontation ensued, and the husband retrieved his .45-caliber handgun, reports said. The stranger ran from the home in his underwear, leaving his cell phone, wallet and identification behind.
The husband chased him as he ran, firing one shot in the process, police said. The bullet struck the kitchen wall and ended up in a cupboard.
The other man escaped, but police later located and questioned him, reports said. The investigation is continuing.
Ed. Note: I have a feeling this was "pay back time." I think the wife didn't like hubby's late night antics so decided to turn the tables on him.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Would You Like to BOF?
Credit 1st to my friend Yvette as this was her tale last night. I just found it so funny I'm sharing it with a wider audience.
Yvette has been going to a conference in which they are using a networking idea called "Birds of a Feather." Attendees list their interests and are grouped together at meals/breaks so that those with similar interests have an icebreaker for conversation.
Good idea so far.
The attractive female organizer of "Birds of a Feather" is very enamoured of the concept. So much so that she uses acronyms and is assuming everyone is as enmeshed in the program as she is. Now, the spelling may be missing an "F" but when spoken by an attractive female over the speakers, there can be a more amusing interpretation to her suggestions:
"Let's all BOF!"
"Does anyone want to BOF?"
"We will be BOFing at the end of the day today!"
Yvette has been going to a conference in which they are using a networking idea called "Birds of a Feather." Attendees list their interests and are grouped together at meals/breaks so that those with similar interests have an icebreaker for conversation.
Good idea so far.
The attractive female organizer of "Birds of a Feather" is very enamoured of the concept. So much so that she uses acronyms and is assuming everyone is as enmeshed in the program as she is. Now, the spelling may be missing an "F" but when spoken by an attractive female over the speakers, there can be a more amusing interpretation to her suggestions:
"Let's all BOF!"
"Does anyone want to BOF?"
"We will be BOFing at the end of the day today!"
Monday, June 13, 2011
A Fitting End for Mr. Edisons
Way back yonder (ok, Jan. 2010) I wrote about how my now former boss was so enamored of the little Thomas Edison busts he used to give out in management meetings that he was shocked that an employee didn't take her statues when she left the company, even though he had fired her!
I wrote then that I thought best to keep my 6 "Eddies" displayed proudly in my office even though the company no longer gave them out and few people knew what they were for (umm, can you say turnover?).
After I left the dysfunctional place earlier this year, I had those damn heads sitting on my dining room table as I decided a just fate.
Sell them? Nah, too much effort.
Trash? No, they needed a punishment to suit the crime.
Shoot them? Why, yes.
While I originally thought I'd bring them to a range and blast their little plaster faces away; another, perhaps more fitting end presented itself. They are now part of an outdoor paintball shooting range! Yes, rotting away while facing daily assault.
Rather fitting.
Pics to come if I get back out there to capture the indignity of it all.
I wrote then that I thought best to keep my 6 "Eddies" displayed proudly in my office even though the company no longer gave them out and few people knew what they were for (umm, can you say turnover?).
After I left the dysfunctional place earlier this year, I had those damn heads sitting on my dining room table as I decided a just fate.
Sell them? Nah, too much effort.
Trash? No, they needed a punishment to suit the crime.
Shoot them? Why, yes.
While I originally thought I'd bring them to a range and blast their little plaster faces away; another, perhaps more fitting end presented itself. They are now part of an outdoor paintball shooting range! Yes, rotting away while facing daily assault.
Rather fitting.
Pics to come if I get back out there to capture the indignity of it all.
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