It all started with Bob. May be it all ends with Bob too, I don't know. But, just as I feel compelled to blog again, I feel compelled to start with Bob's story.
Below is my 1st blog. It's not particularly well written, nor do I expect my others to be. In the words of Cicero, then T.S. Eliot (hey credit given where it's due): "If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter."
But then, in the also immortal words of Blade Runner: "Too bad she won't live forever! But then again, who does?"
Sunday, December 16, 2007
A Holleyday Message - Part 1 Current mood: hopeful Category: Life
Ok, for you Sandy, I'll make these public! Consider it my gift to you.
Holleyday Part 1
I've meant to write this for a while now and it seems appropriate at this time of year when so many people bounce between joy and sadness.
Our office shares a building with another company. One of the employees of that company was Bob Holley. Bob was about 5'6" but as muscular as could be - basically all muscle - he worked out a lot. He seemed as wide as tall, a human wall.
Bob was a jovial person - never at a loss for a practical joke, a zinger, or a story. You could never predict what tale you might hear from Bob – his life was full of medieval re-enactments and gaming, but he had also served in the Navy and traveled the world.
I guess it is more than a year since Bob died of an aneurysm. Now, the point of this story isn't how tragic it is that a 38-year man goes from being healthy to dying in about a month. It isn't how tragic it is that he left a wife he dearly loved and a 6-year old daughter.
This brief story is to share some thoughts that might help you through the season, or maybe through life.
You see, Bob shared a comment with me a couple weeks before he was hospitalized. Over lunch one day, Bob told me that he, "wasn't done with life yet." He said he wanted to do more; he wanted to travel more; he still wanted to explore the world.
More still, Bob wanted his wife to come with him – he said when he'd announce a little day trip or surprise outing, his wife always suggested he take their daughter. But Bob said he wanted his wife to come along or perhaps make it just the two of them sometimes. He loved her and saw her as more than just a mother of their child, more than a "wife." He wanted to connect with her as her own person like they did before the rest of life came along. He wanted to continue to share these new experiences with her.
I asked Bob if he had told his wife just what he told me. He said he hadn't – he hadn't been able to find the right time. I told him he had to tell her how much she meant to him and how he wanted her to be an active participant in his journey.
I don't know if he ever got the chance to do this before he died.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
A Holleyday Message Part 2 Category: Life
Holleyday Part 2
When Bob died so suddenly, the grief was expected. What was surprising though was who grieved. You could assume his friends and family would be stricken of course. And his coworkers too.
But the sadness and tears poured in pretty much worldwide. On the newspaper-hosted webpage for Bob's death notice, I stopped counting the posts after they reached into the high 100s – I think there were 700 comments when I stopped looking because I cried when I read them.
And grief came from unexpected corners. A week after the funeral, a shy clerk at the local 7-11 stopped me in an aisle. "You worked with Bob," she said, "I'm so sorry." But she was the one with tears in her eyes.
I asked her how she knew Bob. She explained that she painted as a hobby and that Bob had really encouraged her and had given her suggestions on how she could get her work shown. I don't even know her name and have been going to that store for years.
So, a clerk at 7-11 you chat with when you buy your morning coffee, people you visit once on a road trip years before. And Bob, in our brief lunches and hallway hellos, had an impact on me. An impact I'm now sharing with you. Who would have thought that this ordinary man, living his ordinary life, could have had such a huge effect on so many people?
. . .
So, my point in sharing Bob stories is to leave you with some simple thoughts. I can't say they're mine, they really came from Bob:
· Keep your curiosity about what the world might have in store for you; take the unexpected side trips that spring up during your regularly scheduled life – and invite along those you love.
· Tell those you love that you love them – frequently. There is no time to do so later.
· Live your ordinary, unassuming life knowing that everything you do does matter – you just won't know who it will matter to.
And, ask yourself – are you going to have a holiday or a Holleyday?
